the day it all ends

madan's pissed with a lot of people, especially himself. wanted to cry today, but din. not coz he wanted to act man or anythin, coz he really and truly forgot how to cry. nvr cry for like sooo soo longg. too bad. a shoulder and a good hard crying session would hav done him good. but hu does he hav? the independent madan, depending on no one but himself. none except me. and how am i supposed to offer him anythin but sensible advice? this is one of the rare situations i hav not been able to help him.

he's pissed with himself for not studying and ending up with the results he has now. yea, he studied more than he did for common tests, but he din even study for the common tests!

pissed with himself for not being able to complete the training. how can u not even be able to complete a 50 minute run which is like so basic? how do u expect the people under ur leadership to go through all the hardships with u wen u urself back out half way? and tt's not even the main point. he was running so slowly tt even the girls were right on his tail. and the girls were not even the damn pro ones like R, Pr & Ist. they were just the normal runners some of them new to X-country (Yv, Gr, YH, Li & V).

he is supposed to lead by example. he is supposed to be one of the top few runners in the country. but i guess he's not. he's just another ordinary guy in a school. i've tried telling him a lot of times before, pride comes before fall, dun think u are up there when u noe u are actually down there. but he nvr listened. dun train properly like all those top dedicated elite athletes. how do u expect to maintain ur level of fitness? told him tt he is not a DY, tt he has to train to keep it. hmph..play some more. like all the normal ppl in sch. they r not the ones hu r going to run for the sch. even if u gave them the chance, perhaps all of them would decline. HE is. so he better buck up. do wat mr Q has said and get rid of the stupid knee injury. coz of tt, it seemed as if he was running with only one leg. how to push away from the girls wen u r running with one leg. his breathing was way off today. i duno whether it's coz he had to work so hard to run with one leg or coz of the handball today during pe, where he was running all over the place but was not doing anything to help the game.

he even thought of ending it all. but i guess there are ppl hu notice. like K. he was the oni one hu managed to tell madan tt he looked damn f***ed up today. and there are those ppl hu dun really noe it, but are actually lifting ur spirits. as i am telling u this, just rcvd to SMSs from Est and YK. just sayin tt they r my frenz and will b there for me wen i need them, tt kinda thing. i noe they dun even noe it, but it has helped. a lot. mayb today is not the day all of it ends. not today.