My everything

was looking through my blog just after posting the song below. and i found something linked to something. abt someone. which i think is me.

you never were a technophile. it wasn't tt hard to find it once the old link was back online. it was harder reading the stuff i think you wrote abt me. my eyes were burning. fingers trembling. heart pounding. was i really such a bastard?

you? of no use to me? wen you were the source of inspiration that kept me going for so long on days when i thought i wasn't going to make it through? races i ran thinking abt you, which i thought i ran for you. wen i was stuck under a basha sheet in the jungle while the sky opened up above me. wen i was walking for wat seemed endless clicks in full battle order. wen i was alone in bunk studying for exams. wen i was spending hours in the sun standing still. basically whenever i was going through a rough patch, you were what gave me the final strength to keep pushing on.

everything you said to me still went around in my mind until next i saw you again. i cud only think of u wen i saw other girls. they just didn't interest me.

sometimes i wonder why i'm still running. then i see you. your dedication. your reasons for continuing may be different, but you are so very dedicated to it. and i admire that. and that keeps me going for training.

u may think i left you in the corner. but that was because i felt that u had no interest in me. it pained me to see you from afar, going about as usual, while i was unable to make any moves because i thought they would displease you. and wen i felt confident enough to do anything, it usually came crashing down on me. it was like whatever i did was never enough. i had other things to worry about, like my failing grades. and my irrational father. i could not take care of everything at the same time. maybe that is how i jeopardized my own exams.

sometimes i felt that i was not good enough for you. that i never will be. that i didn't deserve an angel like you. i thought i would not be able satisfy you. what i don't deserve i could only look at from afar.

i admit. i was a bastard. for leaving you stranded. but i felt that i should not be disturbing you with my lowly presence. i did not want to offend your feelings. that was my first time involved in that sorta thing. i did not really know how to go abt it. hence, i apologize. for the many major blunders i did and the trauma i put you through. i guess there should have been more communication on my part. communication has always been my problem.

you were the chosen one. there were and are no others. and there will never be. you are the best. you were my everything. and if i have to live with the memory of the best, i guess i will.

just in case what i found was not about me, whatever i wrote... still stands.