HPF extracts from madan's class blog

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Effectively, initials stand for nothing right? HPF rocks. She's my favourite teacher, because she goes by the books every time. I really mean goes by the books. You see, if she was given a letter from the oh so mighty admin, she would read out every single point on the letter to us. I really mean every single alphabet and every single numeral. She might even read out some scribble "Would you care for strawberry or banana tonight?" at the foot of the page, and then she'll start singing "How much is the puppy at the window?? WOOF! WOOF!" and then laugh some orgasmic laughter as though finally she, for the first damn time in her life, managed to experience an orgasm. What she will do is that she will order us to get our asses to LT3, and make us jack off in front of her so she could get in the heat, and then should the principal come in, she will raise her meek voice to that of a ferocious, tigress who's in the heat and demand that we scurry along to LT5 and then she will proclaim that even though she had said LT3, LT5 was the more correct one! She would then say that we SHOULD have known. And hence we are in the wrong for attempting to turn her on! Worse yet, after that, she will lose her underwear stained with vaginal fluids in the thick pile of underwear that she forces us to give her everyday. You can also find Project Work proposals, General Paper assignments in the pile if you dare to pluck anything out of the pile. God bless you if you do! It smells like a million years old. Did I also tell you about her fashion sense. It really rocks! Trust me, it's better than all the retro, mambo, all the designer Prada, Gucci. She is a walking sample from the past. Her clothes are made by some ancient curtain maker from a zillion years ago. She's very proud to wear them too. Sometimes you could even find fossils with her teeth embedded inside in those curtains. Yes, really. I am not lying and so is she, because she believes in self. The most truthful, noble road to enlightenment, she says. She talks about the oh-so-grand chinese culture but she admits she doesn't know a thing or two about chinese and she can't speak mandarin for nuts. Its like I'm saying I know how the Universe was created but I know nothing about 1+1. By the way, religion is a very nice topic to her. She likes to marginalise people by their races or religion and then proclaims that she is a multi-racial mongreal. Mongreal my ass. Sure as hell she is a dog. That's right. I mean, she does look like one if you look carefully. A dog has two ears and two eyes and a nose and those blubby cheeks like hers. Well, at least you could love a dog. But really, we all love her. She's really our favourite teacher. I am not kidding, I really am. The next time you see her, please greet her politely. Maybe stroke her ass or something, and she might lick you in return. =)
spicing things up @12:27 AM

Saturday, September 18, 2004

"The day that the (century) egg shell cracked : 17 Sept 2004Morning GP period was still alright, controllable by all her means. We had to do a Paper 2 comprehension which i couldn't finish because it is actually quite hard. She was marking papers and showing how flustered she was at the way some students answered their questions, sometimes just ignoring whatever she tells them to do during lessons. We were happily making noise as and whenever we feel like it. Totally. 2 guys in class wore jock straps today, one was a red-stringed one, one was a dark black one given to him as a birthday present. They were more than happy to bare some flesh and show some skin, apparently their white hills make good cleavage. We snapped some photos of them hills, and burst out laughing as usual. She misplaced this person's paper, even though he had written his name and answered the first part of the comprehension. At first we made her believe that she misplaced 2 persons' papers. So we hurried her to find it, then one of the person exclaimed that he found his paper in his file. Haha, great exercise for someone her age. But she really lost the other person's paper. Looking at her desk, its easy to tell why. Then she stirred the irk of the class when she insisted on having extra lessons just so that we can complete the paper, due to us running short of time. Its just nonsensical, how in the world can we skip friday prayers! As though she can make another arrangement with God so we can have our friday prayers at a later time. Not that she believes in God anyway. But the others, they said about having physics remedial. She wanted to personally speak to the physics tutor so she can make arrangement. So the class burst out laughing once more, of course, memories of S-Cube Seminar came flooding in. "Do you know the physics tutor ma'am?" "Is he very talkative?" I think the bell saved her, not that there's any bell nowadays, the end of the period brought this episode to a close.

This episode resumes in the form of a PW period, the last period of the day for the class. It was havoc. She took a helluva long time trying to locate the classroom, because we shifted temporarily due to prelim exams. Before that, the 2 guys jock-strapping were having more photoshoots, and the girls in class were trying their darndest best not to steal a glimpse of prime beefcakes. She came in and had a lot of instructions to give. I had slogged for 1 hour for the second draft of my written report (its not very long i know, but it was at 12 plus, when I should be sleeping. Just that I was already accustomed to paperwork), I really thought she was going to collect it that day and punish those who haven't got theirs ready. Instead, she instructed us all to finish up this worksheet as though it was a test. PW does not need a test, it is an assessment in itself. We tried rationalizing with her but it was hard to make her listen. She claimed that we should learn to listen to her instead. We do, all the time, we catch her saying the slightest of things, just so to make fun of her. She says,"I'll issue you..." and we complete the sentence in a chorus "a warning slip!!" She will laugh too, then said what she actually intended to say. Oh everyone was not in the mood to do her test. It was just to try and regurgitate all the things that we wrote down in our project proposal. That certainly is not necessary at this time, even if it is to help her find out about our individual contribution to the project, because personally I think that the file will suffice. Even the quiet and normally reserved people in class were trying to voice out their disagreement at her instructions, like "this is all too much unnecessary paperwork!" Those who normally behaved and would not flinch a bit, were singing and composing their own symphonies, trying to attract an audience by going louder by the octaves. Frequent jokes errupted. She says, "I wonder how this country is going to be like.." and we answer her "1. Ageing population, 2. Low birth rates and 3.Singlehood" to the bursts of laughters. I am sure by now the classes next door and the door after could hear us loud and clear, maybe they are laughing with us too. But the climax of it all, was when one student finished her worksheet and carried a whole stack of physics materials into the classroom. She intended to give it out to everyone because she has finished all her work, but was told off to sit down and listen to her instructions. Somehow She has millions of instructions today. Then one student openly told the class to just take their physics materials on the chair next to the door and leave the room, whatever. So some began to take the materials, but did not leave yet. She was totally flustered right now. She shouted the name of the girl loudly. She said she couldnt take it anymore and she feels like crying. She actually has swells of tears in her eyes. She walked out of the room, leaving her table a mess, just like her desk. This guy actaully opened the door to check whether she is really crying and came back laughing loudly. Everyone felt weird when she cried, not like they feel super guilty about it. Its like there was no 2 way communication at all whatsoever. Oh well, we used that time to finish giving out the physics materials. She came back within 5 mins, must have gone to pee or fart or whatever. Nvm, we really had to go, she cant hold us back any longer, we have friday prayers and when we told her she let us off. She cracked when she cried.

Wooooooooshh SSsssswwwwoooossshhh!!" - From Fairuz's Blog

HAHA There's more more more!!!

(HPF opens door.)
HPF: I need to air the room.
Changwen: Wah? Ma'am! You farted??!!
Class: DAMN SMELLY! (Laughter)

(HPF orders changwen to put hp on the table cos he was messaging in front of her.)
Changwen: Ma'am? You got handphone ornot?
Ronald: HAHA! Ma'am! He's ASKING YOU OUT TONIGHT! Don't forget to buy the condoms and the pills!
(HPF Laughs ORGASMICALLY)

(HPF loses someone's PW TEST.)
Ronald: WAH MA'AM! 5 minutes only you lose one piece of paper! THen you wear your underwear 5 minutes also lose alerady! QUICK! Go check now!

Jiawen: Ma'am, what's this nonsense for?
HPF: Now, this is not nonsense...
Jiawen: Right, What's the rationale of this thing that we're doing?
HPF: Jiawen, you were absent yesterday.
Jiawen: That was totally irrelevant.

(HPF about to blow up and scold someone and snatch away somebody's paper)
Changwen: Relax! (Stands behidn her, raises his hands dramatically and breathes out, in a calming action.)
spicing things up @7:40 PM